I had a disturbing dream the other night. I was back in school, in fact I was late for a test. When I walked into the classroom everyone else had their paper and pencils out ready to begin. The instructions had already been given and I had arrived unprepared. The professor was stoic when I asked for paper and pencil, he glared at me in the most disapproving way. I searched the desk, finding many spent notebooks but none that had even one blank page. Finally, I came across a notepad with an imprint of a firetruck in reds and blacks. The lone pen I had wouldn't show up on the paper. Time was ticking away and I was terrified I wouldn't be able to turn in anything unless I could find something to write on. Thumbing through the notebooks, I finally found one blank page. It was then I realized I was without instructions what to write.
I know why I dreamed this. I've been trying to think what to write for the first post of the year. Not a test in anyway, my blogs are mostly my life and observations. I've said many times it's the voices in my head! I think the dream can be compared to life though. We arrive unprepared for many of lifes' tests. There are no instructions for raising children or happy marriages. Both take a lot of work and dedication to task. Along the way we lose our pencil, have professors who judge us as worthless and feel inept. We keep the feelings of high school with us a long time, dreaming that we are late for class. I've dreamed variations of that dream, arriving without clothes on or unable to find the classroom.
I guess that feeling of inadequacy never leaves us, no matter how old we are or how much we feel we've learned. The fact is, we learn something new everyday...or at least we have the opportunity of learning. I hope I never close my mind to new things or my heart to new adventures. I just hope I have my pencil and paper with me so I can write it down for the blog!
Happy New Year!