Sunday, September 8, 2013

Healing


I've taken a break from blogging the past few months, my Mother's passing was hard. She was ready, I was not. Even though dementia/Alzheimer's robbed her speech the last few years, I still felt like she was in there.. present. Until the very end we "talked." That last day I told her it was ok to go, to reach up and take her Mother's hand, I know she was waiting. Hospice helped those last few weeks in so many ways. They give loving care to the person slipping away and to the family left behind. Mom made all the hard decisions years ago, directives. A Living Will is probably one of the most important documents you will ever do. 

My better half retired this summer and it's been great having him home. His job was demanding on him and our family through the years, it seems odd to not have to plan everything around his work schedule. I'd love to say we have taken a big vacation or that our days are carefree, that's just not been the case. I've heard other people say this when they retired... that they are busier than EVER! It took the last 9 months to finally get his parents house cleaned, painted and on the market. Luckily, it sold quickly. We put the farm up for sale this summer too, another hard decision.

Then last week, out of the blue, we hear our grandson's father had passed away in his sleep. He was only 42, but had suffered health problems for many years. Nothing prepares you for something like that. The next few days we went through the motions, but there was and is a profound loss for our grandson, his grandparents and all who knew him. I can't imagine having to bury your child. The service was very healing, the sermon made us laugh and cry, remembering Richard. Like everything else, funerals are changing. Once a somber, introspective time when scriptures were read and words were bridled, Friday's sermon included words from Facebook. A childhood friend set down at her computer and simply, eloquently summed up many of the qualities that Richard was born with...

"There are not many people I remember meeting for the first time...especially anyone I met as a child, but I remember the first time I met Richard. We were standing on the sidewalk in front of the Holiday Inn in Russellville. I'm guessing his family was there to eat at the restaurant. We could not have been more than 6 years old. We kinda played around on the sidewalk while our parents talked. He had his glasses, even as a little kid. There are other memories I have of Richard...like those fuzzy Russian looking hats he wore around the same age. We played together some, as he lived down the street from me...rode bikes...and just goofed off. I always knew he was adopted. I don't know how, but I knew. I also knew there was a lot of love in that house. Not sure how I knew, but I did. His parents were always very sweet and kind whenever I came by their house. Richard had lots of nice "things...." clothes, car....etc. But he wasn't spoiled. Spoiled kids don't appreciate the things they are given. Richard also had a LOT of confidence. He wasn't shy, and he certainly wasn't quiet. And if anyone doubted his confidence, they shouldn't have, because he quickly swept Stephanie off her feet when she moved to town. I bet many of the boys wondered just how he did that....confidence! I say! I remember Richard played tuba, and he was a hard worker. He often talked about how he was going to be an entrepreneur when he grew up. I'm pretty sure I had no idea what that meant when in high school, but he sure did. I remember Richard was fun, a goofball, slightly obnoxious at times (takes one to know one) and I'm pretty sure if I had ever needed any help at all, he would have helped me. I'm sad today to learn he is gone. I'm especially heartbroken for his parents and his son. But tonight, I'm trying to remember all those great memories I have, and hope you will too."

It was an odd feeling sitting only one pew away from where our children married years ago and now we were laying our daughter's first husband to rest. Our grandson set with his grandparents, comforting them in their grief, each holding the other up. Divorced families often grow apart, but in our family we are bound by love.. love of our grandson and it will forever keep us family.

The healing will take longer than expected, it's one day at a time.

29 comments:

  1. Joyce...I'm so sorry for all your loss in the past year or so...it is just so darn hard. I really think they had it right when they used to put a black wreath on the door and they took all the time needed to grieve. Give yourself the luxury of time and to feel what your are feeling....xoxo

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    1. Thanks Sheryl, it felt good to write this down today and publish. I had started this many times and just couldn't find the words, today they poured out.

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  2. So sorry that you have experienced such difficult losses. Prayers for you and your family.

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    1. Thanks so much Michelle, it means a lot that you still came to read! I believe in the power of prayer, there's no way we can get through life without our faith holding us up.

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  3. Life is hard - and I am so sorry for the loss upon loss you have suffered. God in His mercy allowed you extra time with your mother. I feel like that is where I am with mine- enjoying that 'extra' time. Breathe deeply, pace yourself . Retirement is a busy time! You will find your pace.Prayers for peace and comfort as you heal......

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    1. Good advice Linda, I see the blessings each day even though our hearts are heavy right now. I was reluctant to writing down my feelings, so glad I did! Bloggers have Big Hearts!

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  4. So true Joyce, and my best to you and yours.

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    1. My good blogging buddies are still here, love hearing from all of you!

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  5. Many Blessings be upon you and your family. It is hard as I am going through dementia with both of my parents and the decisions are some days almost too much to bear or make.
    My you find peace, comfort from all of us here that read your blog.
    Hold Fast

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    1. Vicki, I just left you a message... I feel for you sweetie, you are having to make so many hard decisions right now for not one but both of your parents. Never doubt that you are doing the wrong thing, you are taking care of your parents in the same way they took care of you. I wrote many things on the blog about those rough days, and tried my best to share the things I learned along the way about Medicaid and the difference the right medicine and caregiving that was specifically for dementia/alzheimers. It made such a difference in Mom's life and now my father in law. I'd love to share, something to help you on your impossible days. Sending hugs.

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  6. So sorry for the losses of those you loved and cared so deeply about. Taking care of an aging parent with Alzheimer's can be very difficult. I am going through this right now with my dad! So hard to watch them slip away. I pray that God will wrap his arms around each of you and give you strength and peace for the days ahead.
    Many blessings
    shug

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    1. You are so sweet Shug, with a name like that it's no big surprise! So many of us out there dealing with the same problems with our parents, so hard. Mom had dementia for 19 years, she did well considering until the last few weeks. That's a blessing really. I feel the power of all the prayers being sent up for us, thank you so much! I dropped by your loblog and left a recipe for the Pear Relish, hope it's close to the one you lost. Join us on Facebook's Granny Mountain recipe club and I bet we can find that recipe!

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  7. I am so very sorry Joy. Your post was simply lovely...this is such a sad and difficult time for you and your family. It is such a wonderful thing that your grandson is surrounded by loving grandparents. It makes such a difference and it is such a blessing to him. Love to you all.

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    1. Thanks Betsy, it's been a rough road but the healing now begins. We were amazed at the strength our grandson has at only 19, we are so proud of him.

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  8. Yes, Joy, you're blogging friends are still here. I have kept up with you through fb too. So sorry for you having to go through this. Our family went through watching my father-in-law dealing with a very fast moving form of dementia that finally took his life so I do understand how hard that is. Just remember in the coming days and weeks to rest in the Father's loving arms and that we are praying for you and your family.

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    1. I just appreciate the encouragement and support so much. Some people say "Facebook Friends" are imaginary, I beg to differ!

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  9. I'm sorry about all these things that you have been going through. Very difficult times, but you are right about it taking time to heal. Blessings as you do.

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    1. When the grief gets "piled on" it's harder cope. I just came in from watering the flowerbeds and feel like a different person. The sun coming down trough the treetops and everywhere I looked was beauty. God's grace.

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  10. Joy, I didn't know you were back.

    I know exactly how you felt loosing your Mother. It is never an easy thing and I can still cry thinking about it. I was with her at the end.

    Also so sad about your grandson's father. 42 is extremely young. We just never know when our time is up.

    I know you really haven't had time to realize you both are 'retired', but it will come and it will be wonderful.

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    1. Thanks so much Glenda, it sure has been hard. I say I wasn't ready for Mom to go, but that's not entirely true. She was tired, very tired. It hurt me to see her like that. You've been through it and you know the ups and downs that we're going through. One step in front of the other is the only way I know... Mom taught me that.

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  11. Joy, I'm so sorry to hear of the losses you have suffered recently - and you are so right about the dynamics of a divorced family. Love lingers indeed... and the truly good people allow it :-)

    Hugs to you -

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    1. Kind, kind words here- they really help so much.

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  12. I am so sorry to hear of your loss, its been three years since my dad passed and I still catch myself sometimes thinking....I would love to talk to dad and tell him this or that.....loosing a parent is so hard and then your grandsons father also my prayers go out to you dear....

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    1. Seems so many of us are going through this with parent. Some days are better than others, my heart is heavy today thinking about those who lost loved ones 9-11-01. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Thanks so much for the prayers sent up!

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  13. so nice. thank you momma. death is horrible and difficult for all of us left here on earth no matter how old the person is. thank you to all of the nice people for praying for the family in a very difficult time.

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    1. Our memories will never leave us, we are so lucky to have each other to lean on.

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  14. I'm so sorry for all the losses you've had recently.
    So many families could take a lesson from how your family has stayed together, in love for your grandson, despite divorce. He needs that!

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    1. Thank you so much. It came out of the blue, there's no way you can ever prepare yourself for something like this. Our grandson is 19, much too young to have to face the things he's had to do the last couple of weeks.

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  15. I am so sorry for the losses your family has endured. It is never easy.

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