Saying his prayers...

Ben here...

Haven't written in a while, life is never quiet enough for me to get a good nap here on Granny Mountain. Two old people and a dog, shouldn't be this much coming and going! Mom and Dad take turns being gone, he leaves then she leaves then he comes back then she comes back with those white sacks full of stuff. Sometimes she sets them in the floor and I can get a sniff of whatever she's found, good things like Pupperoni and rotisserie chicken. I guess she just goes up and down the road finding them, I wish she would let me go sometime. Halloween must be coming up, she put the pumpkins out and made me try on these stupid Devil Horns. I have to be good to get the Pupperoni, so I just grin and bear it. Saying my prayers at night is one way I stay on the right track. 

Dear God, here is a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog...
1. I will not eat the cat's food before he eats it or after he throws it up..
2. I will not roll on dead possums, fish, or squirrels just because I like the way they smell.
3. The litter box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy', so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
Amen. Can I have a Pupperoni now?